i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
