Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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