"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
