It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
