i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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