Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
