There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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