dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
