Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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