two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
