Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
don't judge my taste in strippers
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
