youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
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I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
please don't ironically join a cult
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