We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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