how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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