Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
