I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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