the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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