He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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