mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
