She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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