who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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