He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
