Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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