apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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