I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
