Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize