I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
