Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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