I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
