think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
