I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
