i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
