Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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