im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
