you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
