Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
