i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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