When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't turn off my feet"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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