Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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