I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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