i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Thank you for not boning my boss.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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