i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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