It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
