cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
