He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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