You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
