That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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