He had one of those small greek statue penises
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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