What did we do last night that was yellow?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
