So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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