"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
