Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
