WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
