Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she smelled like a LAN party
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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