Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
