you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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