i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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