don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
