i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
