Porn is love you can see.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
