Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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