I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
