We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
