Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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