Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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