I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
