I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
