it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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