You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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