Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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