wat bout pragnant strippers??
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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