i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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