Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
