Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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