Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
