Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
