you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
