Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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