Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
