Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
