dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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