just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
